design star starts tonight

And Linda Merrill at Chameleon Interiors is blogging! So we are going to get some informed commentary. She already has her first post up and it looks like the second season contestants have been given much nicer digs than last year:

• Design Star : sneak peak
• Chameleon Interiors
• HGTV

Design Star vs Top Design
There were ways that I enjoyed Design Star more than Top Design. While there is no substitute for Todd Oldham (be still my heart), Clive is a fine host, and the judges lacked some of the pretentiousness of the TD judges. (That was what I liked about Todd, is his lack of pretentiousness...but he was the exception to the rule.)

The contestents on Top Design were stronger and more professional and TD had bigger budgets. However, they weren't always more imaginative than Design Star. At least with Design Star the contestants got out of those white boxes!!!

Plus the amateurism of the DS contestants made the show more amusing. Who can forget that woman who seemed like a crazy homeless person who just picked up trash on the street. I still suspect that she just wandered into the set and they let her stay for the first episode.

Note: Linda Merrill's first "sneak peak" post has a good discussion of the problems with the first season of Design Star.

Color Splash
I have to say that the biggest disappointment with Design Star was the show (Color Splash) that they created for the winner, David Bromstad. Even though David was the obvious winner and he was great on the competition show, I thought the show they created for him was unwatchable. Furthermore, I was surprised by how much he annoyed the bejesus out of me on his own show. Everyone -- but especially David -- was insanely peppy and excited about everything. It was ridiculous. There is a difference between being warm and enthusiastic and looking like a friggin' moron.

The work David did on the competition seemed a lot more innovative than what he did on the show. I think on the show he was restrained by having to use products from certain stores.Also his color palettes were rich but not interesting. Sometimes they were just dark. They seemed really traditional, especially after seeing what designers like Matt did with color on Top Design (for example -- my top ten list). The entire show was too too tooo much. It needed to be toned down a notch. Or two. Or ten.

Design Star 2
But now we have the second season:

• Design Star 2 Home
• Bios

And oh my. I just gave this a perusal and it looks like it could be fun ... perhaps even hilarious (wait for it ... below).

First of all, they have gone to central casting and found their stereotypical southern belle, aged 30, with a high school education, who has lived out her childhood dream "to marry my Prince Charming and have children."

Ain't she sweet

Judging from her interview we can expect pearls of wisdom to fall from her lips.

But

here

is

the

kicker ...

I can't believe it's not butter.

I'm speechless.

And I can't wait to watch.

the marie antoinette

Matt's idea of basing his design for Lily's room on the concept of "Marie Antoinette" is a brilliantly wickedly creative and chic solution to the "you want to be a princess" mantra that is being shoved down the throats of every little girl from every direction of our consumer culture. They are powerless against it. (See links below.)

Perhaps Matt could market this decor with the slogan:

The Marie Antoinette :
the room your little princess will lose her head over

Links

What’s Wrong With Cinderella? One mother's struggle with her 3-year-old daughter's love affair with princess culture. By PEGGY ORENSTEIN The New York Times Magazine | December 24, 2006

For more go to my post "consuming girls" which has links to other postings and articles related to the topic.

top ten

In response to Linda Merrill's Top 10 list on her ::surroundings magazine blog I decided to see if I could come up with my own top 10. These selections feel a bit random and the ranking order feels even more haphazard. I've made a few notes to try to explain myself but I can't say that if I were to do this tomorrow I would pick the same exact rooms and put them in the same exact order! For what it's worth:

10: felicia, episode 2
smart space use solutions; great design response to the clients needs; will make transition into adolescence.

9: carisa, episode 8
a very creative conceptual idea put into practical use; frame should have been painted white but it is really a very inspired response to the challenge.

8: carisa, episode 2
a well-designed structure; great use of space; color and style that is bright enough for a child but also transitions out of childhood.

7: matt, episode 8
cool icy elegance; exquisite

6. michael, episode 4
wonderful mid century modern scandinavian design; great garage sale finds for a sophisticated post college space

5: erik and carisa, episode 1
comfort, color, style; a warm room that seems inviting; some accessories problems but the overall look is great; I especially like the back wall, and the sofa.


4: andrea, episode 7
for the overall polish, the suede walls and the side table. I hate the chairs.

3: erik, matt, elizabeth
I think this is a great cabana -- building on the traditional design but innovative reworking certain aspects. Plus it provides full sun protection -- increasingly necessary -- as well as privacy.

2. michael and john, episode 1
for the polish, elegance, especially the back wall, the choice of art, the sofa and banquet

1. matt, episodes 2 and 7 especially
basically for his use of color -- the thing that has impressed me the most of all; and for his sense of elegance (it isn't my specific style -- I tend to like cleaner lines -- but it is lovely and appealing nonetheless)

NOTE: You can go to Bravo's Rate the Room and look at all the rooms again and judge for yourself.

recount

Of course the judges have more expertise and more on-site information than I do on which to base their decisions. Nonetheless, I'm still entitled to my own hare-brained opinions. Half the fun of watching these shows is to engage in delusions of grandeur about how you know more than top experts in the field, who are, as it turns out, complete morons.

With that in mind, here is my run down on how the eliminations went and where the judges went wrong.

1. Lisa -- the design was basically hers, it was not strong, she did not seem to be at the level of innovation needed to be on the show. She may not have particularly even wanted to be there all that much. But if that is the criteria then they should have gotten rid of Ryan immediately as well. Which would have been my preference.

1. Heather -- this was a very unfortunate pairing with Lisa. Heather is someone who had experience that demonstrated a lot of promise but she exited the show before anyone could see what she could do.

2. John -- he didn't finish the job so it was fair to have him be the one to go. Second to him would be Ryan because that bed was dangerous.

3. Elizabeth -- this was an utterly wrong-headed decision. Someone in the Goil/Carisa/Ryan group should have been the one to go. I would have selected Ryan.

4. Felicia -- that room was hideous, although once again Ryan's was worse in that it was dangerous. We are talking about two different versions of uninhabitable: you can always get rid of the afghan (the wallpaper would have been a little harder) but what do you do with a wall encrusted with broken glass?

5. Ryan -- Ryan should have been off long before now. Ryan should have never been on but that's another matter. Anyway, assuming Ryan's long gone, Goil should have been kicked off for getting so obsessed with that ridiculous dog bed.

6. Erik -- this was another wrong-headed decision. Either Goil or Andrea should have gone instead of Erik. The fact that you punish the one person on the team who has any understanding of and capacity for doing the project at all seems utterly backwards. I also want to note that it was such a shame that we didn't see the kind of party planning that Elizabeth and Heather would have done: the two people who have real expertise in this area.

7. Michael -- was probably the fair choice at this point. His, Goil and Carisa's rooms were all pretty bad. If Goil were still in the show by now then he would be the first to go, not just because of his track record but because his room was so impractical and even a bit hazardous. Michael had the "it's my room and I won't change" pissy attitude and Carisa had the better track record.

8. Goil -- was kept on the show far too long. I know I'm in the minority but those white rooms full of gimmicks bored me because they were predictable. At this point one wonders what kind of chef's room Erik or Felicia or Heather would have created. Or Elizabeth or even John? Which of the other designers would have responded to the "elements" hotel room challenge that so flummuxed Goil and Andrea?

9. Andrea -- had one really exquisite room but the rest of the time she was fairly underwhelming. I think she could have gone earlier. I imagine that there are other designers who would have offered a little more energy and just as much polish -- like Erik.

10. Matt and Carisa -- the fact that they are the finalists seems fair enough. (Midway through the show I predicted the finalists to be Matt and Erik so I was half right.)

Matt -- has been consistently strong from the start. He's a real pro. Almost every one of his rooms has been a contender and there is probably no one else who could have consistently produced that level of work.

Carisa -- I think that it came as a surprise to everyone that Carisa did so well. She has a colorful, energetic "pop" style that is similar to Jonathan Adler's. She's consistent without being repetitive and she is imaginative. Good for her. If she's the "wild card" then I'm fine with that.

My problem isn't with how it ended but with what we had to watch in between the beginning and the end. What if, say, they left in this order: Lisa, Ryan, John, Goil, Felicia, Elizabeth, Michael, Andrea and our final four were then (in no particular order): Heather, Carisa, Erik, and Matt. In the end, there was a lot of uninspiring work produced on that show. Top Design should try to figure out what they can do to change that. It would seem obvious that an important aspect of keeping the show interesting would be keeping the most talented designers on the show for as long as possible -- but that isn't always how they operated.

bravo's blog bile

or what ails top design and what might help clear its system

A couple symptoms of the problems with Bravo's Top Design can be found in two of its blogs: Jonathan Adler's and The Assistant's who both seem to have discovered how to pleasure themselves with the critic's stick (all puns intended). They've realized that it is easy to get a reaction by just waving it around at people (if not bludgeoning them with it). This saves them from having to use any thought let alone subtlety.

* * * *

jonathan

I really want to like this guy but he's sapping my strength.

One reason for the discordances in the show is that, for obvious reasons, it ends with the judging. The imperiousness of Margaret Russell, the snarkiness of Jonathan Adler, and the looniness of Kelly Wearstler can be amusing but they can also hit some rather off notes.

The latest posting from Jonathan Adler describes his views towards Michael as being "charitable" versus "less charitable." It strikes me as being a difference between "uncharitable" versus "mean-spirited."

What goes around comes around.

If I'm feeling charitable, I imagine that Michael wanted some decorative motif for his room and, under time pressure and suffering from exhaustion he just chose those birds and moved on.

The less charitable me has hypothesized that he's insane. In any event, it was a bad idea, second only to them colors. I suppose he could have thought that the birds were a kitsch gesture and that it would be cute.

Re: kitsch, I've often been accused of being a kitsch-enthusiast, which is totally untrue -- I actually hate kitsch. Pink flamingoes on the front lawn? No, merci. But, in the hands of some creative mavericks, traditional kitsch iconography transcends its kitschiness and becomes fantastic.

For instance, I have a giant poodle lamp in my bedroom that's so big and well-crafted that I couldn't say no. I have series of clown pictures that are intricately crafted in wood marquetry and they are so brilliantly designed and made that you really can't argue with them.

Sometimes it's the things in questionable taste -- inappropriate, vulgar, or a little kooky -- that make a room memorable. Diana Vreeland once said, "A little bad taste is like a nice splash of paprika. No taste is what I'm against."

Anyway, whatever. That still doesn't make them birds okay.

I don't need to demonstrate how this is self-contradictory and hypocritical -- and others have already drawn attention to these problems (pink navy, top design blogger). The internal logic of this passage is utterly non-existant. Thus when we get to the alleged conclusion: "Anyway, whatever. That still doesn't make them birds okay" -- asserted as if he has proven some point -- we can only respond with a resounding WFT?

By the way, I'm officially sick and tired of his faux folksiness, e.g., the use of them phrases that use them down-home dialect constructions. I might be able to enjoy this cutesy verbal decorative kitch as endearing if his manner were not so utterly condesdencing. There is something in his manner that belies such a sense of superiority towards (if not also a complete ignorance of) people who actually speak this way.

* * * *

NOTE: -- please read my reality television recommended reading as a reminder of the way that I am discussing the personalities on the show (especially "for the record.") I think of the judges as personas -- characters invented and performed for a television show. There is a difference between Jonathan Adler, the Top Design judge, which is a role played by the actual person Jonathan Adler. How much the two have in common I do not know. However there are two things that are proven to be strongly personality-altering--both consciously and unconsciously: being on television and having power over other people, such as being a judge.

* * * *

the toad

If Jonathan's blog shows an off note, this blog moves us from sour into foul.

I want to know why Bravo is paying this guy to write a blog? He isn't like the judges who are talented people whose opinions count for something. He's not funny. He's not likable. He's just obnoxious.

He reminds me of those boys in junior high school who didn't really do anything -- they weren't smart or popular, they didn't do sports, they weren't dorky nice guys; they were just a little band of brats who went around tormenting people: spreading gossip, insulting people for their weakness (making fun of the fat kid, the kid with bad acne or thick glasses). They were toadies for popular kids and bullies who had no respect for them.

His latest blog gives us gossip that could end up getting one of the cameramen fired. He tells us about the people on the show he dislikes. He informs us about the designs he dislikes. He wrote an ignorant description of Elizabeth when she was kicked off that was totally inappropriate. (Who died and make him the king of what was cool? Of what was hip and who was out of date? Does the world want to know that a little shit like him thinks women over the age of forty are old fogies?) He is even snide about the judges.

The contestants, he tells us, "can annoy like nails on a chalkboard." Well cry me a river. It's your job to deal with them.

It is really rather bizarre.

What is the point? To undermine the show and the cast? To make himself seem important? Even though he has no apparent talent or knowledge of design he can make himself sound like he's as big as the judges and the cast because he can cut them down as an official voice on the Bravo TV web site?

He isn't a blogger like those of us out here doing this for fun -- and for free. We don't actually know these people--we aren't saying anything that is personal--we are talking about this as a television show--as a type of fiction. Plus, and this is the important part: we are doing this not because we are employees but because we are fans.

* * * *

rucker

Which just reminds me, by way of contrast, of Rucker. I suppose because reading his blog you got the sense that the show was fun (and a lot of work and a pain in the ass and kind of insane). He was also incredibly funny. He wasn't mean-spirited and nasty about the show and the people on it. The worst he ever did was shrug his shoulders at the camera when Vincent had his fluff and fold tantrum. That moment, that gesture, says everything about reality television. That may go down as the most hilarious moment in reality television. Ever.

* * * *

What can be done?

mr todd

On Project Runway Tim Gunn's voice plays an important role setting the tone. The problem is that there isn't enough of Todd's voice in the show. That is a big mistake. The other personalities just are not likeable enough to carry the show.

Todd had a successful show on House of Style. He has a quirky manner but it really grows on you after a while. We need to see more of him. Maybe it isn't too late for the last half of the season to be edited in order to bring out more of Todd's voice, which is funny, genuine, and smart. It may not be as histrionic, pompous and over-the-top as reality television likes, but it is what Top Design needs to keep it from sinking in the mire of its own bile.

University of Virginia Health Sciences Library

* * * *

Finally, am I being mean-spirited myself? Perhaps. (Do I contradict myself?)

Nonetheless, I prefer a scalpel to carrying a stick.

dear todd: let me count the ways

I have been negligent in discussing the judges. This is partly because the judges will be there all season and the contestants will not. Or at least most of them will not.

My lack of attention does not reflect a lack of interest in them. On the contrary. I have already discussed my sense that Margaret Russell is going to be the wit of the show. I think that Kelly Wearstler will at least regale us with her wardrobe. I get the sense that Jonathan Adler will be providing us with just as many killer expressions as Margaret Russell.

If this is not a WTF look then I don't know what is:

Also, I sense that there is a lot hovering just under the surface of that giddy exterior of his. (Can things hover under or do they only hover over and simmer under?) But that is for another post.

Today is Todd Time.

Yes, it is true that so far I have only teased him about his stilted demeanor on the first show.

(You have to admit that once the resemblance is pointed out, you cannot get it out of your head.)


Perhaps I have been ignoring Todd because to think of him is to set my heart racing.

I blush.

I stammer.

I hit the F keys.


But, really, can you blame me?

There's cute-cute and there's cute-hot. Cute-cute doesn't age well. Age has been kind to Todd.

Be still my heart.

If I were to acknowledge him I would have to acknowledge that he means more to me than he should.

After all, so many obstacles stand in our way: we have never met; he is gay; I am happily married.

But there will always be naysayers and cynics who want to stand in the way of true love.


It is true that I am unable to face him with my feelings. Literally. I don't know where he is.

And of course, he will never read this, although I'm pretty sure he knows how to read.

Yet my devotion is steadfast.

It began in those early heady House of Style days, when I was swept away by those boyish looks and that low-key demeanor of his lulled me into fantasies of being his hand-made hand-maiden, holding his glue gun as he bedazzles . . .


Um. Anyhoo.

Where was I?

The main point of this post was to list some of the reasons why he and I are soul mates, or at least why I think he's swell (in no particular order):

1. He is into fashion but not the industry.
2. His house is only 1100 square feet. (1)
3. He has a jack russell terrier.(2)
4. He is into crafts and the hand-made (3)
5. He is into typography and letterpress printing.
6. He is into 60s graphic arts.
7. He champions the artist Charley Harper.
8. He is not pretentious.
9. He has fab bicep tattoos.
10. He is against fur.
11. He wears Jack Purcells.
12. He is into mid-century modern. (4)
13. He likes animals, especially birds. (5)
14. He really thinks about design for people who don’t have money.
15. He seems to be more interested in being kind than looking cool.
16. Added later: He is friends with the wickedly funny Amy Sedaris and if anyone can find the hilarious clip of her on House of Style let me know. It used to be on YouTube but ViaCom made them take it down.

For more information on his projects: todd oldham studio

Coincidence or Kismet?
(1) Our house: 1100 square feet.
(2) I have a wire fox terrier*.
(3) When I was growing up I subscribed to a craft magazine.
(4) Our house was built in 1951 + I have furniture from the 1930s.
(5) My first sentence was "Look. See the birdie." An imperative, naturally.
I know, it's uncanny, huh?!

celebrity judges

The only thing that was more painful than watching Tim Gunn have to constantly sell sponsor's products was watching Tim Gunn have to sell so-called celebrities.

Naturally Tim has the good manners to introduce the guests with enthusiasm, as I am sure Todd Oldham will. I just thought it was more than a little bizarre to watch Tim Gunn froth over the wondrous talents that the spawn of Trump and Hilton brought to the show, especially in the face of their total indifference, if not condescension.

Los Angeles will have its own distinctive type of the over-rich and under-talented who will treat Todd with that special Hollywood mixture of obliviousness and superiority. He will be adorable as always and make them feel right at home.

But here is what I'd hope Top Design producers will do do:

First, it would be nice if Bravo stopped calling the guest judges "celebrities" and stopped making the cast act excited about people who really aren't all that famous (with a few exceptions like Debra Messing or Parker Posey).

If the judges insist on referring to themselves as celebrities (as with the hilariously imperious Mrs. Kors), well that has its own entertainment value.

There was a big difference between the judges who were interested in fashion -- actresses and debutards,

"but how would I look in it??"

excuse me debutantes -- and the judges who were actually in the fashion industry, like Vera Wang and Catherine Malandrino and Fern Mallis (who was the best guest judge PR ever had). Did everyone's hearts go pitter pat when they had Parker Posey rather than Fern Mallis? I doubt it. Why not get someone who is not particularly famous but actually knows something about what they are judging?

Certainly, some of the celebrities are tied to relevant challenges -- like the skating outfit or pageant gown (and oh how delightful she has continued to be for us!). But I for one (perhaps the only one) would not mind seeing Top Design put a few knowledgeable architects and designers in the guest's seat.

I'm not holding my breath.

product placement

Sure, these shows run on advertising.
They are also cheap to produce.

I'm not talking about the commercials. I'm talking about all the product hawking in the show. It can get really tacky. Especially when they always have to use awkward titles for things like the "Macy's Accessory Wall" in Project Runway. Or that ridiculous contrivance with cotton as the official fabric of PR Season 1.

If Top Design is like Project Runway, Todd Oldham will, like Tim Gunn, become the super shill for the show. It is rather sad to watch them take the person with the most dignity and then give them the role that strips them of it.

Because there is so much advertising within the show there is a fair amount of continuity with the commercials. This is an advertiser's dream. Except that this can also backfire. By the end of Project Runway who could resist mocking the constant mention of that radical and new technique of creating the "smoky eye"? The effect of this campaign was that is made you think that super pro Collier Strong only knew how to do one boring technique that every junior high school girl already knew how to do.

The other problem with having too much continuity between commercials, product placement and host endorsement is that the show starts to seem like an infomercial thus making it less appealing and ultimately unwatchable.

Wait - - - what was I saying about product placement ? ?

decorator/designer

::surroundings:: magazine top design blog has a useful post today (Thursday January 25) outlining the differences between interior decorators and interior designers.

before I go any further

let's review:
Those of you who were with me for my project runway blog will remember that before anyone starts to get their panties in a bunch I tell them to read "for the record" (listed on the right under the links list, and below.)

kih recommended reading re: reality tv

• for the record
• celebrities & narcissism
• the dunning-kruger effect

This list includes a few of my occasional forays into theories of popular culture and communication theory (although I never called them this because I didn't want to scare anyone) or research I think is relevant.

The point of all this is to make sure no one takes it too seriously. It's all in good fun.

Comments on the people on the show are not about the actual people in real life: all media personalities, including the judges, are fictional inventions in some way. This includes the various the personas people present on their blogs and myspace sites (ahem. see below re moi).

It's not really reality. It's just a tv show. The cast and situations are manipulated for the purposes of entertainment and -- mainly -- for selling us stuff.


In return, we manipulate -- or interpret -- or reinvent -- the cast and situations for our own amusement, speaking from the point of view of our own various invented personas.

In fact, I'm actually a wire fox terrier.

myspace amusements

The folks at blogging top design have helpfully put up links to the designers who have myspace pages. I have a tendency to find myspace pages ugly and irritating. Generally I don't get the point of them.

When I say things like that I realize that I'm old. Like when I look at boys who are wearing pants so that they are falling down off their butts and I think, WTF? Or when gauchos came back into fashion and I said, "No, not this time around. Once is enough."

That said, I am not very many years younger than Elizabeth. How many I am not going to say. I also went to high school not too far away from her. Yet when I went to her myspace page and that music starting playing I thought, is this a joke? It sounded like something that hippy teacher on Beavis and Butthead would play.

Nearly as scary was realization that my taste in music has more in common with the kid practically half my age who (aside from the jazz, naturally) apparently likes the Shins so much that he listed them twice.

It's interesting that the person with one of the most obnoxious Bravo bios has one of the more appealing myspace pages. It's a bit precious but he's young and the Corinne Bailey Rae sort of lets him get away with it: the widdle chipmunk, as the gayboys so inimitably call him.

Anyhoo -- what led me to soften my rather harsh view (based on the Bravo bio) was that his list of favorite movies included Junebug, Little Miss Sunshine, Gaslight, and *especially* the 1934 version of Imitation of Life. The 1956 version is fab but that 1934 film is much more obscure and totally mind blowing. The Good Girl and Clueless are also choices that would be in my list. I think Clueless is one of the best of the Jane Austen films.

But all my warm fuzziness is undone by this statement: "I would like to meet people who would rather be wanted for murder than not wanted at all." [i.e., fame is the most important value above all else: there is no point in meeting someone who is not wanted by others because that person has nothing to offer.] It's certainly characteristic of the kind of person who would want to be on a reality television show: it's all about celebrity narcissism. (And famous criminals are just narcissistic sociopaths.) No wonder he likes In Cold Blood. He also liked the film Capote but from this quote he appears to have missed its point.

Still, if it weren't for narcissists we wouldn't have reality television. Think of what we'd miss.

editorial note

Notes on the Bravo Top Design Contestant Biographies

I provide these annotations as a service to the viewers. The Bravo biographies are very sugar-coated. The problem is that if our opinion of the contestants is too idealized then the initial episodes -- when we discover what they are really like -- can sometimes be traumatic. Thus, for the emotional well-being of the fans, I have provided some exegesis of the biographical texts Bravo has posted for the Top Design contestants.

In these glosses, I've raised questions about some improbably assertions. I have queried terminology that seemed vague or odd. And I have tried where possible to translate certain phrases -- red flags and euphemisms -- that might not be caught by the untrained reader.

I am sure that this is only scratching the surface but hopefully it will provide us with a more nuanced view of these personalities before the show starts, preparing us, in some small way, for the lunacy ahead.

• ultra fab
• enough with the punk
• the babies
• chi town boys
• la women

ultra fab

Click here to read the note on the purpose of these annotations of Top Design biographies.

Goil

Design style: Architectural Ultra Modern
FOR "Ultra" READ "Flaming"

. . . he was handpicked by Robert A.M. Stern
I’ll bet he was.

Goil loves to win.
Unlike other people who enjoy being left in the dirt.

Self-described as “small, spicy and fabulous"
Isn't that nice.

Goil is known to stand his ground and confront his challenger face-to-face when conflicts arise.
Is he a designer or a chow chow?

enough with the punk

Click here to read the note on the purpose of these annotations of Top Design biographies.

Ryan

Design style: Bull in a china shop
Does he leave a stain on the carpet? Do people actually want a designer who ruins their stuff?

He considers all of his education a blessing because he comes from a small industrial town in Ohio where great opportunities were a luxury. He is extremely appreciative of what he has and is not afraid to do whatever it takes to be successful.
READ: He has a major chip on his shoulder.
I’m reminded of Stephen Colbert’s discussion about being the son of a turd farmer.

He works 24-hours a day
READ: has some sort of manic disorder,

and describes his personal style as “half Henry Rollins, half David Lee Roth, with a sprinkle of Evil Knievel.”
It’s Evol. That is a fairly unhip attempt to sound hip. We're getting into Jeffrey territory (PR3). (Honestly. I forgot Jeffrey’s last name but don’t remind me of it the sooner it is out of my mind the better.) At least Ryan doesn’t dress like he’s in Spinal Tap.
Advice: please for the love of god, get the David Lee Roth part removed. A good podiatrist can take care of that.

Prediction: This one has issues. May be prone to fits of uncontrollable rage. Alert the nearby medical facilities.

Andrea

Style : modern bold and cultural
bold = forces her style on clients
cultural = I’ve traveled so I'm cultural

Andrea has shared her expertise with the world in several television programs. Married with two boys, she is part Swiss, speaks four languages, and is in the process of learning two more.

How specifically is she in the process of doing this? Will she be bringing her tapes with her? Does she study the languages every other day or does she split her study time each day? This sounds like total bullshit.

Underneath all the proven accomplishments, Andrea is a self-proclaimed punk rocker, and she prefers to live by the fringe and often dyes her hair pink.
Part Swiss AND a punk rocker?! Fuckin’ A.

I hardly have to point out that if you think dying your hair pink makes you punk -- or proves that you live by the fringe -- then you have pretty much proven that you are not.

I already went through this with Jeffrey (PR3) my friends. These people are too young by at least a decade to have been punk when punk was still around. They were barely in school at the time.

There seems to be some confusion between the word "punk" and the word rebellious. Or even just idea of not always being in the mainstream. It's getting so ridiculous that the word has practically lost all meaning.

the babies

Click here to read the note on the purpose of these annotations of Top Design biographies.

michael, 23

Profession: Owner of Michael Adams Interiors. Education: Attended Fashion Institute of Technology (F.I.T.) and Parsons School of Design. Hopes to eventually earn a degree in decorative arts from F.I.T. Michael grew up on a farm in Western Massachusetts before moving to New York City to follow his dream.
Where does a farmboy get the money to attend two private schools and open his own company by age 23?

Michael will tell you, “I'm polite. I'm kind and I'm very understanding. But, push me too far and I will totally burn your house down.”
Call the police honey. We’ve got an arsonist on the premises.

Translation: I’m a total suckup and any conflict is always someone else’s fault.

This brat needs a good spanking before he is booted off this show as quickly as possible.

carisa, 26

Design style: Clean and modern
Does anyone have a style that is messy?

Carisa attended a special design magnet high school where she studied design for three years as well as fine arts.
READ: Not sure when the Civil War happened.

chi town boys

If we are lucky we will get to hear some great midwestern twangs. I'm especially hoping that Matt the Minnesotan and John the Chicagoan will come through for us on this.

Click here to read the note on the purpose of these annotations of Top Design biographies.

john

Design style: Casual elegance
Snore. Someday I want someone to say that their style is Formal Crudeness

Without even a high school diploma,
READ: Not sure what Civil War was.

A big personality ... there's never a dull moment when he's around
READ: total drama queen

... compares himself to George Michael
READ: has been arrested for having sex in public places.

matt

Hometown: Comfrey, Minnesota, currently resides in Chicago
Married at 22.
Those Minnesotans. They get to work early on everything.

Design style: Current contemporary that's livable
As opposed to – outdated contemporary that’s uninhabitable?

Matt says his biggest accomplishment is the playhouse he spent three years building for his daughter.
That’s a cause for concern.

erik

Hometown: South Bend, Indiana, currently resides in Chicago. Education: Briefly attended Indiana State University and studied design at Ball State University.
Erik gets points for going to the university with the gayest name ever.*

Design style: Creatively client-focused
Whatever. All designers do this don't they?

Erik says, “a true designer is always looking at things to put their stamp on.”
He was the one who drew the mustache on Wendy’s picture of her daughter.

*More fun facts about Ball:

• Ball State was endowed by the company that makes the glass canning jars. (I use the Ball jars every year when I make preserves. I like the ordinary Ball jars with the old logo on it. I don't like the newer ones with all the cutesy fruit and quilt designs.)
• David Letterman went to Ball State.
• Ball State is in Muncie Indiana which has been used by sociologists as a representative of the most normal, average place in America. It’s the Peoria of Indiana. Just think about that for a moment. It's kind of a Midwestern koan.

la women

Click here to read the note on the purpose of these annotations of Top Design biographies.

felicia

Felicia grew up as part of a very spiritual family in Los Angeles.
What does this mean? They were Holy Rollers?

A self-proclaimed health nut, Felicia has completed 15 marathons and now does triathlons.
READ: high-strung

She says: “I approach design like a marathon. I don’t stop until the end.”
Prediction: Will annoy others with her exercise and diet routine

elizabeth

… has a master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology [READ: New Age hoo-ha] from University of Santa Monica

Design style: Creative and eclectic
This pretty much includes everything so it is basically meaningless.

Elizabeth realized she wanted to be an interior designer when Prince gave her money to design the after parties for his Purple Rain tour.
Okay. That is actually pretty cool.

lisa

Lisa owns her own firm called Interior Obsession in Beverly Hills, California, where she says she works all day and all night.
What is it with these people? Don’t they realize that insomnia is a sign of a severe psychological problem? Obsessive Compulsive Disorder comes to mind.

Casting note: Lisa looks like she might be a reasonable and sociable person with her own unique personality. But reality tv show producers have an appalling attachment to casting and/or editing stereotypes. And once again we have the token black woman. God forbid there should ever be two. So according to the script she should be a bitch because for too long the man has kept her down and it improves the ratings.

heather

Design style: Historical and progressive
Does that mean that her design style is from the progressive era in history?

Heather is extremely passionate about design as a whole and chose interior design due to its ability to affect thousands of people, whereas a couture dress only has the ability to affect one.
READ: Blow it out your ass Project Runway.