the marie antoinette

Matt's idea of basing his design for Lily's room on the concept of "Marie Antoinette" is a brilliantly wickedly creative and chic solution to the "you want to be a princess" mantra that is being shoved down the throats of every little girl from every direction of our consumer culture. They are powerless against it. (See links below.)

Perhaps Matt could market this decor with the slogan:

The Marie Antoinette :
the room your little princess will lose her head over

Links

What’s Wrong With Cinderella? One mother's struggle with her 3-year-old daughter's love affair with princess culture. By PEGGY ORENSTEIN The New York Times Magazine | December 24, 2006

For more go to my post "consuming girls" which has links to other postings and articles related to the topic.

matt, please...

...now that you've won :


FOR CHRISSAKES EAT SOMETHING!!


You're starting to look like Lurch:

Sic gorgiamus allos subiectatos nunc.
[We gladly feast on those who would subdue us.]

Not just pretty words.

wayne's world

and other ideas for Top Design improvements and spinoffs

They are down to three designers: Andrea, Matt and Carisa.

This is actual dialogue:

Matt: We’re Charlie’s Angels.
[They are entering the PDC.[
Matt: I’m Farrah.
Andrea: Yes. Yes you are.

Priceless.

The Angels head to the PDC to get their orders.

Charlie/Todd: Pick an Elle Décor cover. Design a room like this cover but not like this cover.

Make it for $7,500. That shouldn’t be a problem after you’ve had the PDC discounts and budgets of 40K. You have all of Los Angeles to shop in. Oh? You don’t know the city? No problem – here’s a computer. You can enter the names of the shops you don’t know into the computer and get their addresses here.

It’s another damned PDC pod assignment. What? They couldn’t find three rooms in all of Los Angeles that they could use?

Andrea goes straight to an architectural shop. She’s going to focus on how she is an architect rather than a designer. That is what the judges are looking for in her right? She is also looking for “natural looking” furnishings. I guess because her style is so natural—very crunchy and earthy.

Carisa – god love her – is having a fabulous time shopping. One thing I admire about Carisa is that when she isn’t stressed she is incredibly cheerful about what she is doing.

That does look like a fun shop.

Andrea is being very smug about how she has the advantage since she’s from Los Angeles. Uh-oh.

Then there is Matt. He is freaking out. This was painful but it was also entertaining. I did not realize that he was THAT much of a decorator prima donna.

Now I have not jumped on the whole Matt-is-gay bandwagon. I've been amused by it, sure. But I've not insisted that it must be so. I’ve a penchant for those lean intellectual guys. (And of course there is the whole “Jesus-is-My-Boyfriend- um, let’s call it an “unresolved issue”.”)

Anyhoo, I can go with the whole Charlies Angels / Farrah thing – that was a self-conscious joke - however, THIS was one of the gayest things I’ve heard:

“Like, bargain shopping – that’s not what I do.”

Of course he may have momentarily been possessed by Cher from Clueless.

Anyway, there is more fun to be had with Matt -- lots more -- when we meet his tailor Wayne Yazzie, who, guessing from his hat and glasses, appears to have been in the midst of a poker game.

I would like to find a picture of Wayne to use here.
If anyone has a screen cap I can use let me know.

The enigmatic Wayne inspired the sidebar below:

NOTE TO PRODUCERS:

1. wayne

I have this to say about the sudden introduction of Wayne:

WHAT THE HELL?!!

Where has HE been? We are just NOW meeting this character?!!! Are there more of them in the PDC upholstery center? Has Bravo been hiding some treasure trove of nutcases from viewers?

I feel completely cheated. It is like there was this whole other show that I missed -- the fun, entertaining version of Top Design -- the show that included kooks like Wayne.

2. todd

Speaking of which, that show would also have included a lot more of Todd. Could Todd be more wonderful? I think not.

Todd is completely and utterly the Voice of Reason. And you need that if you have a show populated by people who are increasingly becoming more and more insane.

Todd has a similar role to Tim Gunn but he plays it in a very different way. Todd is very understated. He’s much kinder, gentler. Tim Gunn seems more informed because he acts the role of the expert: imperious and opinionated. It is hilarious and theatrical; it is perfect for the world of fashion which has so much to do with performance.

Todd is actually much more informed; he has far more experience in the field and unlike Gunn he provides real hands-on instructions – tips and tricks -- on how to do things. Frankly we did not get enough Todd time. We could even use a little Todd segment each episode. Like on how to do that little upholstery trick he showed Matt.

3. the carpenters

The carpenters should be standing up there with the designers. They do a hell of a lot of work. I mean Goil had Sarah make a lot of aesthetic decisions for him. Carl sees himself as an artisan and that may lead to a lot of arguing with Carisa but it is also why she succeeds. Plus, from the start Carisa’s designs have had a lot of built-ins so – although she would never admit it – her work is very much a team effort. Some of those carpenters are craftsmen (and women) and as a potter you’d think Jonathan Adler would realize that the ones that are doing that level of work deserve a little more of the credit.

4. the weasel

Get rid of that sick little mofo “The Assistant.” Bravo should be ashamed of itself for encouraging this by letting it continue. You would never have someone write things in the name of Bravo that were that homophobic or racist. Why is it okay to be that virulently misogynist?

. . . AND WE’RE BACK

Matt says he has Margaret in the back of his head.

Kelly claims that Matt confessed "a distracting crush on Margaret."

Oh, that will go over well back at home.

Through the NSA we've been able to get excerpts from Matt's phone calls following this revelation.

Wife: Who is this Margaret? Where does this whore live? I swear to god I'll cut her.

Daughter: Daddy what's a switchblade?

Wife: I'm coming to get your skinny-ass. I'll kill you and your whore-bitch girlfriend.

Daughter: Mommy went on a trip. Uncles Hoboy and Kilo are here. They make sugar and they said I can try some if I'm good.

Wife: You bastard. I liked it better when you were gay.

Well, I'm sure they've patched things up by now.


Unfortunately either Margaret isn't talking to Carisa or the voices in Carisa's head are bickering so much that she can't hear what Margaret is saying this week. Because what Margaret is saying is that there is no way in hell that Elle Décor would publish any of her designs, which is what Margaret says at the judging.

This is why it is bizarre that they kicked Andrea off. Carisa’s room was basically the best room. If it wasn’t going to win because it was not up to Elle Décor ’s standards then you might as well kick Carisa off now. Why have her go on to the finals if in the finals Margaret is just going to say the same thing: this isn't Elle Décor 's style.

Part of this is Carisa's fault. It was like she was trying to irk Margaret. She knew what Margaret's pet peeve was -- and so that was what she did.

Oh Carisa -- pillows on the Jacobson chair? WhyWhyWhy?

If you have listened to anything Margaret has said to you then why in gods name do you have pillows everywhere?

Maybe she has the wrong Margaret voice in her head. Maybe she has the voice of Marge Simpson.

"I say there should be more pillows and knick-knacks!"

ANDI 'N' CARI : COMING TO YOUR TOWN SOON!

Andrea and Carisa are such opposites that they are like a comedy team. Andrea is so understated that she seems morose. Her statements are often unintentionally droll. Carisa can be very funny and of course she is also comically awful at times.



Carisa (sharing her unsolicited opinion with Andrea): "I’m not sure why you painted it at all . . . Nothing says happy like grey.”

Andrea is pissed off at Carisa for saying this and yet in the next scene she realizes that her grey room is depressing. To brighten it up and make it happy she paints it taupe. That’s the spirit Andrea.

Andrea: “Carisa is different from me in thinking and vocalizing” which is a rather quaint way of saying that Carisa is a bitch.

Andrea: “I love hearing other people freak out.“ For Andrea “vocalizing” (a primitive animal act) or any sort of expression of emotion would involve a massive surgical procedure. She can’t help it. Let us not forget that Andrea is Swiss and emotions are for ethnic people.


If that comedy team doesn’t work out perhaps there could be a sitcom with Carl and Carisa. I think we all cheered when Carl finally snapped at Carisa. I also thought it was hilarious that Carisa didn’t miss a beat. Neither one of them did. The two of them just kept on working and bickering. It is amazing that they can concentrate. It is amazing that someone hasn’t lost a finger.

Or a head.

Even so, I thought Carisa was going to win.

Carisa's room really captured the cover of Elle magazine -- so I don't know how you can then say it isn't Elle's style or standard. If it isn't up to that level of luxury maybe that is because the budget was $7500.

It says a lot about how much Margaret hates Carisa’s style. Or something. It almost seems like there is some class snobbery going on that makes Margaret biased against Carisa.

Jonathan, on the other hand, is clearly charmed by her. He likes her style but he also likes that "be happy" part of Clarisa.


However, Margaret was dressed in a silver silk satin dress in the style of a 1930s film goddess so you know her word was the final word.

As if it ever isn’t.

Kelly, by the way, had gotten rid of her bad perm this week. That's the good news.

The bad news is that she had plates hanging from her ears -- not dinner or salad plates, more like bread plates.

The look was sort of Apocalypto by way of Fort Lauderdale.

It was understated for her.

emperor of ice

As we know, Matt got the theme of Water.


This was fitting for the blessed one so associated with water, as in turning into wine and walking on (see previous post: why matt can do no wrong regarding who our superstar resembles at times:

Yikes.

Who can compete with that?

Everyone felt that Water was the easiest theme. (Of course the spirit guided the best element to the chosen one.)

These days "spa" and "hotel" are practically interchangeable terms. The colors and surfaces of aqua and teak and sand and surf are ubiquitous in the world of hotels -- making it easier for the designers to come up with ideas at the spur of the moment and to find what they are looking for -- so Water would have been a snap to do as a basic spa type of room.

Furthermore, I remind you that this is taking place in Los Angeles -- a place of surf and sun.

So what does Matt do with it?

He makes ice. Oy.

Jesus wept.


But it was beautiful ice.

It takes someone from a cold climate to create a sparkling icy spectacle under these circumstances.

Feeling Minnesota . . .

Or, maybe it just takes someone from a cold climate to see it this way. (And please pardon my clichés.)

One must have a mind of winter . . .

A number of people noted that it was hard to remember that Matt's room was water and not air

like the blurry winter horizon where snow and sky are indistinguishable.

Other elements included: the very exacting shade of blue

like the particular clarity of the sky on a biting cold, crisp day.

Mirrored tables

like the surface of a skating pond.

Layers of pillows--

like "cotton candy snow" (the name for the snow when it first falls and is downy and soft)

.
The color of the rug

like the dormant grasses that appear in places in the snow drifts.

The glass floor lamp

an icicle reflecting light in its curves.

The mirror -- an icy star.

Andy Goldsworthy, Icicle Star

That said, the room was exquisite but it needed some life. A promise of spring.


Water that moves. Flowers in bloom. Narcissus. Maybe a cherry branch or pussy willows. I like the symbolism of narcissus however. And chocolate is good in the winter as well.

• wallace stevens: 2 poems with the word ice in them
• soundgarden: outshined

why matt can do no wrong

There is something in that far off look in his eyes . . .

He reminds me of someone . . .


An old boyfriend?

Let me think.

Blond hair, blue eyes, light emanating from around his head . . .

Oh, now I remember:

Head of Christ, Warner Sallman, 1941
(for more information click on the painting)

There 's just something about a man with a trim beard and a beatific glow . . .

2: john ryan matt

the pink rooms

John

Well, he had a really really bad day at a really bad time. The room looks like at some point the obstacles became too much and John just hit the wall. The stark split in the floor sort of illustrates the room itself -- it's only halfway there. Frankly, I don't understand why his carpenter couldn't just pick up a cell phone and call and ask about the flooring rather than return from the hardware store with nothing thereby pretty well guaranteeing that John would be kicked off.

What really bothered me was the way that Jonathan treated John during the judging: Jonathan asked him "what happened?" John told him what happened. Then Jonathan sneered that he was full of excuses.

There was no reason for the judges to be gratuitously critical with John. He admitted that the room was a disaster. We could all see that it was a disaster. What was the point of heaping on the insults? That doesn't make for good televised drama. It's just mean.

Clearly John was the one to go. It would have been utterly unfair to choose anyone else. In my previous post I argued that Michael's room was actually very successful in a number of important ways (click here to read) and I think Ryan's room had a number of redeeming qualities. For one, it provided the inspiration for what may be the best catch-phrase of the show.

Ryan

You may not want to have a room look like a cattery but it is helpful to design with cats in mind. (Ours has "accidentally" broken a number of favorite vases.) Anyway, after a while animals train you to design around them. I think Ryan could have put stuffed animals up on the shelf for the cat to knock down and carry around. It isn't just for the cat: it is also for the amusement of humans. But enough about that.

I'll just note that on a practical level the room doesn't have a desk and everything is a bit too high for a ten year old girl. Or a short adult woman.

Ryan did really hit the nail on the head as far as color. I would bet that magenta is the most popular color for American girls today. And it is a pretty darn fabulous color. (It was my favorite crayola crayon -- in part because I liked the name.)

I can't quite remember but did he choose the wave mural because she is a surfer? It might have been nice to have played up that theme a little more. That said, the boa wins my award for the single best accessory in this episode. (I can't do screen caps so I'm looking for a picture of the girl wearing this -- and one of the client as well . . . ha. ha. ).

Matt

Margaret's comment about the Six Feet Under headboard was very funny. I think Matt could have done a headboard like John's (above) perhaps with the black/white reversed which would have been elegant and not so funereal. I'm less excited about the lights than many others have been; I think it would have been better if he'd run them around the top of the room. It feels like oncoming headlights more than stage lights. The dressing table is too small to double as a desk, which is a usability issue. The pottery(?) takes up too much room and belongs in a living room.

Despite my litany of complaints this room is actually rather impressive, mainly for its color palette. That is a wonderful shade of pink. I'm impressed because that color would be very hard to select based on a small paint sample. It could look too fleshy or beige: you really have to know your pinks!

This was the most interesting -- daring, really -- use of color so far. The use of color may be the design element that has disappointed me the most in these designers. Their colors tend to be familiar, popular choices. I like some of them but they haven't surprised me; they haven't taught me something new. (The palette of this room--subtle as it is--may be the most interesting design element I've seen so far. But I'm a color freak.)

Matt's room isn't perhaps youthful and fun enough for a ten year old. Nonetheless, it does feel like a fancy Hollywood dressing room and I think that was very exciting for his client and just what she wanted. The silk chair looks like a fabulous place to curl up and read. As for accessories: it could do with some feather boas. And glitter.

chi town boys

If we are lucky we will get to hear some great midwestern twangs. I'm especially hoping that Matt the Minnesotan and John the Chicagoan will come through for us on this.

Click here to read the note on the purpose of these annotations of Top Design biographies.

john

Design style: Casual elegance
Snore. Someday I want someone to say that their style is Formal Crudeness

Without even a high school diploma,
READ: Not sure what Civil War was.

A big personality ... there's never a dull moment when he's around
READ: total drama queen

... compares himself to George Michael
READ: has been arrested for having sex in public places.

matt

Hometown: Comfrey, Minnesota, currently resides in Chicago
Married at 22.
Those Minnesotans. They get to work early on everything.

Design style: Current contemporary that's livable
As opposed to – outdated contemporary that’s uninhabitable?

Matt says his biggest accomplishment is the playhouse he spent three years building for his daughter.
That’s a cause for concern.

erik

Hometown: South Bend, Indiana, currently resides in Chicago. Education: Briefly attended Indiana State University and studied design at Ball State University.
Erik gets points for going to the university with the gayest name ever.*

Design style: Creatively client-focused
Whatever. All designers do this don't they?

Erik says, “a true designer is always looking at things to put their stamp on.”
He was the one who drew the mustache on Wendy’s picture of her daughter.

*More fun facts about Ball:

• Ball State was endowed by the company that makes the glass canning jars. (I use the Ball jars every year when I make preserves. I like the ordinary Ball jars with the old logo on it. I don't like the newer ones with all the cutesy fruit and quilt designs.)
• David Letterman went to Ball State.
• Ball State is in Muncie Indiana which has been used by sociologists as a representative of the most normal, average place in America. It’s the Peoria of Indiana. Just think about that for a moment. It's kind of a Midwestern koan.